These Four Walls
by dear-lovely
Summary: Minerva knew that she needed to make a choice—and soon.


This story was written for the Eighth Round of the Seventh Season of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. I'm writing as Beater 1 for the Tutshill Tornados.

Name of the round: **You Can't Predict It All**

Prompt for Beater 1: _Nine of Wands _— **Reversed: Exhaustion, Fatigue, Questioning Motivations**

These are the optional prompts I'm using:

5\. [restriction] **No mention of Hogwarts**

7\. [character] **Minerva McGonagall**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. J.K. Rowling owns everything from the Harry Potter universe and Disney owns that one lyric I've alluded to. Extra points if you catch the reference!

Note: This story is based on a brief description of Minerva's family life and early heartbreak on Pottermore. I tried my best to show her thought process and flesh it out a bit more, but you can read about it on Pottermore if you want a summary of what happened between Minerva and Dougal and why.

Thanks to my team for betaing!

* * *

Title: **These Four Walls**

Word Count: **3000**

On a chilly, late August afternoon in Scotland, Dougal McGregor carried a picnic basket in one hand and held Minerva McGonagall's hand in the other, all while walking down a ploughed field his family owned. "Come here, Minnie." He tugged her hand lightly. "I want to show you something."

Minerva giggled in response, partly due to the bottle of whisky they'd nicked from Mr. McGregor's collection, but mostly because of how earnest Dougal's baby blues shined during the golden hour. Never in a million years had she thought that anyone would've made her feel this way. So rebellious, so carefree, so _happy_. All her life, she had been the responsible one, always on top of her schoolwork, extracurriculars, and responsibilities at home. So many people relied on her, and she never once disappointed them.

Well, excluding this summer.

When Minerva had been offered such a prestigious position in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry, she knew all that hard work had been worth it. Knowing that this summer was the last time she didn't have any real responsibilities, she blew off everything she meant to do when she met the local farmer's son, Dougal McGregor. He was unlike anyone she'd ever met before. Their tête-à-têtes were unbelievable as they shared the same sense of humor and their argument styles were very compatible. And to her surprise, they understood great depths about each other without even trying.

In all honesty, he made her feel _alive_. And if this feeling was what made life divine, then she understood why everyone seemed to be chasing after it.

A pond filled with murky water appeared in sight. Dougal let go of her hand to place a large picnic blanket next to the pond. With Minerva's help, they unpacked their collection of various cheeses, jams, and loaves of bread, along with extra alcoholic reinforcements. While enjoying their meal, they talked about nothing and laughed at everything, which was the case for their whole summer together. It was easy, as it should be.

Dougal caressed Minerva's hand as they watched the sun's settling reflection in the murky water.

"It's amazing how something so simple can be made into something beautiful just by the sun's presence," she marvelled.

"You've been the sun to my murky water this whole summer, Minnie," Dougal confessed.

She threw her head back and gave a hearty laugh. "If that was said in any other conversation, it wouldn't be as romantic. More disgusting, I feel like."

"Yes, I know. I'm the prime example of a romantic gentleman." He cheekily winked at her as she swatted his shoulder, then rested her head on it.

"Thank you for this summer," Minerva whispered, looking down at the last of the sun's reflection in the water.

He kissed her forehead. "When do you leave for London?"

Minerva groaned, falling backwards onto the itchy ground. "In four days, but please don't make me think about that right now."

After reaching for something at the bottom of the picnic basket, Dougal joined her and turned to see her fully relaxed, gazing at the freshly-outed stars against the near blackness. "Minnie, I never want this to end."

"Me neither, Doug."

Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I know how hard you worked for this job in London, and I'm so proud of you for that. I never want to take that achievement away from you."

She turned to him, concern written all over her face. "And how would you do that, exactly?"

"I love you, Minerva," he evaded her question. "I love how well we understand each other, and I love how you're already becoming this successful woman. But most of all, I love how naturally caring and giving you are. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out, and it would be an honor and a privilege if you would marry me." Dougal revealed the tarnished ring in his palm. "This is my grandmother's ring and, while it doesn't look much, it holds a great significance in my heart. It would honestly make my entire life worth it if you were to wear it."

Minerva grabbed both sides of his face, tearing up. "Yes! Dougal McGregor, I will absolutely marry you!" She smashed her lips onto his, not caring about the dirt and barley sticking on the exposed parts of their skin. This moment, of him slipping the ring onto her finger and of them sobbing like complete messes, was _perfect_.

* * *

Minerva skipped all the way back home, where the moon was fully out and mostly everyone was fast asleep. As she got closer to her house, she noticed a faint glimmer in their family dining room with two fully grown shadows huddled around the table. She slipped in, not wanting to draw attention to herself as it was past her curfew. Although she wanted to tell her parents the good news, she decided that it would be best if it wasn't done at midnight with her clothes dirty and her hair a mess. On her way up the stairs, she caught snippets of her parents' conversation.

"But we'd be safer there! Plus, Malcolm and Robbie won't have to travel far every September," Isobel McGonagall whispered.

A heavy sigh drew from Robert McGonagall. "What about the livelihood we've built here for decades, Isobel? What will happen if people become curious about our whereabouts and find us living in a ghost town? What happens then?"

"No one will care that much once we're gone! And we won't hear it since we'll be hours away!"

"_I_ won't have a job anymore, so we'd have to rely on _you_ for money. You haven't even touched your wand in _years_! How would that work out for us? Did you think about that part? Or have you conveniently forgotten that you haven't been magically active in about a score?"

Even from her place on the stairs, Minerva could hear the beginning gulps of a sobbing session from her mother. She'd heard it enough times already that she escaped to her room to avoid it.

Minerva's head hit her pillow immediately, not bothering to take off her clothes or freshen up before bed. She just wanted to lie down and think about the wonderful events that happened today. Outside of these four walls, Minerva was an eighteen-year-old girl who was living her best life. Inside, she was the secondary mother to her two younger brothers, a confidante to her blubbering mother, and a companion to her quiet father. Inside these four walls, Minerva served many others' purposes, never her own.

That's why it was a good idea for her to marry Dougal and get out of these four walls.

With Dougal, everything could be solved as a partnership, not in a war, counting who'd won the most battles. Dougal understood her priorities, and she understood his, which made them perfect for each other.

Minerva suddenly thought about the stories her mother used to tell her of when she first met her father. She remembered Isobel describing how loving they were of one another and how they were a match made in heaven. But more distinctly, Minerva recalled the simmering tension between her parents throughout her whole life. She remembered how tedious it had been to clean after her brothers when they'd first showed signs of magic. She recalled her father jumping at the little things, unsure of when an owl would arrive or when accidental magic might pop out. She remembered how proud her mother had looked whenever she told her about her achievements at school, yet somehow sensing a hidden layer of jealousy underneath all of that.

She knew that her mother's greatest regret was giving up magic for the man she loved.

But Dougal was different, _their_ relationship was different from the relationship of her parents. Their foundation was stronger and would overcome the difficulties better than her parents could ever have done. She was sure of this, nay, _convinced_ that it wouldn't be the same, and they'd come out of this alive and well-off.

Out of nowhere, her brain felt like it's being crushed by her skull and her stomach felt turbulent as a Quidditch game during high winds. Until that moment, Minerva had forgotten how much alcohol she'd consumed just hours before.

Grumbling, she stomped down the stairs towards the kitchen which her parents had left. She poured a glass of water and sat on the counter, looking outside the window. Moonlight cast a beautiful luminance over the neighboring houses and the stores nearby. Truth be told, she'd never once felt that this town was her home, especially because there were no fellow wizards or witches she wasn't related to for miles. This wasn't her home until she met Dougal.

_Oh_, Dougal! How she loved him so! But now she doubted her love for him—was it worth giving up everything she'd achieved for this man? Yes, she did love him truly; however, there was no doubt about the fact that she loved being a witch, and an excellent one at that. She'd never wanted a marriage like her parents', one full of distrust and secrecy, but it didn't deter from the fact that they still loved each other dearly. Could she possibly pull this off? A marriage with a man she loved _and_ a bustling career in the world of magic?

Once she thought of that question, Minerva immediately knew that the answer was no. For one, if she told Dougal that she was a witch, then her job at the Ministry would instantly be in jeopardy before she even started working due to the Statute of Secrecy. Besides that, she knew that it would be unfair to Dougal if she asked him to move with her to London, as he had responsibilities at his family's farm, and he took them very seriously.

Minerva downed the rest of her glass before heading upstairs to her bathroom. Locking the door, she examined her appearance in the full-length mirror. This was the first time she'd seen herself since arriving home, and she looked like a _disaster_. Her outerwear was littered with specks of soil, the bottom of her dress was clogged with mud, and her exposed skin was permeated with the mixture of the two. With a further look, she noticed her eyebags drooping low from exhaustion, both from the excitement during the day and the worried frenzy throughout the night. She knew that she needed to make a choice—and soon.

* * *

After washing the muck off herself and transforming her filthy clothes and sheets into new ones, Minerva laid still on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Although sleep would've been the better option, she couldn't help but ruminate about everything in order to make a decision.

Why was she doubting herself? She loved Dougal with her whole heart, but she felt like something was holding her back.

Maybe it was the fact that she'd worked hard to be the top of her class for the last seven years to gain this job at the Ministry. She knew how committed she was to get a start on her career at such a high position. Maybe it was because she didn't want to feel like all that hard work would be wasted, like how her mother worked hard only to become a wandless housewife.

Or maybe, when she thought about it long enough, it was because she barely knew Dougal. Sure, they understood each other at some level, but they still argued a lot, and there was so much to learn about one another. Was it practical to jump into this relationship so seriously even though she didn't know if it would work out for her in the end?

One thing Minerva knew was that she had to tell Dougal about her magical abilities before they got married. That way, he could decide for himself if he still wanted to be with her. However, telling him would break the Statute of Secrecy and therefore make her lose her job at DMLE. To be fair, it was outrageous that they weren't allowed to tell any Muggle unless they're legally bound to them, as it has forced her into this dilemma. So what would be the point of telling him if she lost her magic either way?

If she couldn't tell him before they got married, then she couldn't marry him. It was heartbreaking to think about, but Minerva knew that it was the best option. Although Dougal wouldn't be in her life, at least he could find some other local girl to marry and live on the farm with him. They'd have Muggle babies and a happy, Muggle life, something Minerva couldn't give to him.

Minerva slammed a pillow on her face. She didn't want to imagine Dougal with another girl, much less another family, but she knew that she had to factor that into her decision. At the very least she'd still have her magic and ambitions for the future.

It concerned her that she could give up Dougal more easily than her magic. Did that make her selfish? Had she just been leading Dougal on for the past few months? In her heart, she knew that their relationship was bigger than a summer fling, but she couldn't help but cast it aside like that. It was easier to label it as a summer fling so she didn't have to think about the deeper issues she had if she were to marry Dougal. The primary reason was, of course, not wanting to throw away her magic and everything she wanted to accomplish in the Wizarding World. She didn't want to acknowledge another major reason, which was that she didn't know if it'd be worth it for her to give up something she knew she was good at for something so uncertain. She had experience raising children because of her younger brothers, but she didn't know if she could fulfill the role of a farmer's wife adequately. Minerva needed a sense of security to feel confident in herself, which was something a marriage to Dougal won't provide for her.

_No_! She ignored the rational argument brewing in her mind. How could she possibly think about the love of her life that way? Wasn't marriage about undying love and commitment? Surely they could work it out somehow.

The thought of breaking it off with Dougal deeply wounded her veins, scorching the blood inside of her. She could feel her body violently shaking, caused by the anxiety and stress from her hours-long reflection on her life, as well as the overall strain she loaded on herself by not sleeping. Instead of dozing off, Minerva curled up into a ball, avoiding the potential glow shining through the window. She knew it was bad staying up this late, but at this point, she doesn't care anymore. All she cared about was reaching a solution that doesn't ruin her life nor shatter her heart as the outcome.

The little voice in the back of her head kept reminding her that it wasn't possible to have both. Admittedly, she knew that it all boiled down to a promise she swore to live by at age five.

Minerva didn't desire a marriage mirroring her parents' damaged one. She refused to make the same mistakes her mother made twenty years ago.

She turned to the window and noticed her faint, haggard reflection and the light breaking through the dying night sky. Ignoring the former, she noted that it was the perfect time to make this decision permanent for both of their sakes. She threw on a woolen shawl and left those four walls before she had a chance to change her mind.

It wasn't a long walk, but it was long enough for Minerva to notice the fatigue dragging her legs, making the trek longer than it usually was. She should enjoy it more, considering that it's possibly the last time she'd walk down this path towards the McGregors' farm, but she couldn't think straight about anything except her mission. At least the walk was quiet. Looking at the almost stark-white, gloomy sky, Minerva estimated that it was between four and six in the morning, which should be roughly around the time that Dougal was doing his daily chores up in the barn. All the while, she played with the tarnished ring on her left ring finger, which gave her a sense of both comfort and disquiet.

As she made her way towards the barn, she spotted Dougal in the hen house gathering fresh eggs. Shivering, she called out to him, and he waved.

"Hey, Minnie!" he greeted her with a hug and a peck on her forehead. Upon sensing her trembling, he gently lifted her face and saw tears from her deep-set eyes streaking down her hollow cheeks. "What's wrong? Are you alright? You look exhausted."

Her lip wobbled as she broke free from his arms. Looking down, she avoided his eyes as she responded. "I'm sorry, Doug. I can't do this anymore."

His brow cocked up. "What do you mean you can't do this anymore? What's changed since yesterday?"

She bit her lip hard, knowing that it would take more energy to keep her abilities a secret than to spill everything to him. "Doug, I can't make you abandon your responsibilities at the farm, and you can't hold me back from this opportunity in London. It's just not possible and… it's for the best, you see?"

"Are you breaking up the engagement? If I moved too fast for you, I'm sorry. We could wait it out until you're ready."

Minerva shook her head, taking a deep breath before pushing through all the way. "I just don't think it'll be possible to live a happy life with you, Dougal. I'm sorry." With that, she sprinted far away from the hen house as Dougal found the ring in his pocket and began to cry.


End file.
